A friend once called me to task for using the word “hate” about everything I disliked. He thought “hate” was a strong word with an intense emotion, and though he didn’t think I actually felt hateful, my use of the word made him uncomfortable. If a rough fabric that snagged on my dry skin or the smell of someone’s overabundance of cologne could so quickly spark hatred in me, he didn’t feel at ease with my emotional range.
After only a little defensiveness, I agreed with him and acknowledged that my use of the word was just a habit. I changed the habit and extended my emotional base line out much further. Now I rarely hear myself saying I hate anyone or anything. A therapist also gave me the tool of simply citing my preferences rather than attaching emotional surges to them.
I have often heard that the problem with losing a language, a people forgetting it as they are assimilated into a new culture and new language, is that with that language an entire culture is lost.
In some instances there are aspects of our language and culture that it would be good to do away with, at least in some contexts.
This week I attended a talk at UNM-Albuquerque, sponsored by multiple organizations to stop violence against women, which featured Ted Bunch the co-founder and co-director of A Call to Men, an organization which “works to create a world where all men and boys are loving and respectful and all women and girls are valued and safe” http://www.acalltomen.org/ . He spoke on how we as a society perpetuate values both positive and negative thru the language we use and specifically how our language diminishes the value of females, and elevates males. A classic example is how a person might say to a boy, “you throw like a girl.” He reported that one young man said if his coach told him that in front of his teammates it would “destroy” him. Clearly being like a girl is not higly valued. Of course throwing with more strength and with more direction is highly valued in athletics, but its opposite or lesser degrees doesn't need to be put in context of being female, and thus grouped together as unacceptable.
The following day, via V-Day on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/#!/vday , I came across a blog that has stimulated a lot of online conversation about this very issue – about how a specific phrase in a specific context attaches or removes value. It was so against the mainstream thinking that many have taken umbrage, or deemed it just more politically correct b.s.
I see it is yet another way to look more carefully at how our language socializes us and how we use it and unwittingly pass on cultureal beliefs and assign value in even more subtle modes than the above example (throwing like a girl).
So, because I'm a strong proponent of self-examination and because I love the energy of controversy (but only when it isn’t hateful), and viewing from differnet perspectives, I am herein encouraging you to read, with the intention of understanding the author's point of view, this particular blog: http://bellejarblog.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/i-am-not-your-wife-sister-or-daughter/
Blessings!
I found my way here from all the comments you posted on bellejarblog. Your arguments were well articulated, passionate, and most importantly–at least to me–not hateful! I think that is a point that so many people miss when they argue their views. Hate will not get your point across, no matter how valid. It only serves to alienate and further convince the other that they are right: they'll only close their minds more tightly.
ReplyDelete